10 Things To Consider Important About Dating As A Transgender Woman

things to know before dating as trans woman

Look, dating doesn’t come easy for most people, no matter who the people are. For those who aren’t experienced at dating, or for someone going on their first date ever, it can be downright daunting. It can cause stress; cause you to be unable to focus a week before already! You wonder what will you say, what should you wear? – and the expectations and the list just get longer! So you can imagine that if you are someone like a transgender woman, you are probably going to find it even more nerve-racking – like how to explain to people if they ask, or you tell. Because many people haven’t even ‘come out’ with their families and now they want to start dating. Some have already even gone through reassignment surgery.

Before we give you 10 tips about dating as a transgender woman, for those who don’t know, let’s just define what transgender is.

What are transgender persons?

Transgender [1] is the umbrella term for those people whose gender identity is different from their sex. Their gender identity will refer to their personal understanding of which sex they identify with. So if they were born male, but identify more as a female, then their gender expression will be presented as that to the outside world – i.e. as a female person. Everyone has a gender identity and a sexual orientation, and yet their gender will not determine which sexual orientation they lean towards; which could be heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, or lesbian, for instance.

For this article, a transgender woman will be a person who was assigned as ‘male’ but identifies as a woman as he becomes older.

Things transgender woman should consider before they date

You might be a transgender woman, but it doesn’t mean to say that the people you date will respect you or treat you like a woman. Some will fancy you but still not respect you and treat you the way you should be treated. So you have to think about a few things before you start dating as a transgender woman.

1. Many people will regard you as a novelty or a fetish

For instance, many guys, if you have told them you are transgender, will wonder how you tuck your “penis” away, that type of thing. And many will assume that all transgender women are the same; they have the same types of bodies and the same types of personalities. You have to understand this because a lot of people will have a “fixed idea” of what they perceive the transgender woman to be [2].

2. Dates won’t always know that you want to be treated just as other women are

You will have to tell your date to treat you like any other woman. That means telling your date that you are interested in the same things as normal dating with other women goes; like typical date questions about hobbies, interests, and sports, etc.

3. As a transgender woman, you would need to explain to your date that sexuality and gender are different in your world

A transgender woman who dates a guy needs to realize that other people will question his own sexuality. Other people might think he might actually be gay himself, when he might be completely a heterosexual guy. You have to realize that if you date a guy, this is what might well happen, but of course, there will be guys that date you because they are genuinely attracted to you as a woman. Lots of straight guys get criticized for their own sexuality when they date transgender women; it doesn’t make the guy less of a straight guy.

4. A transgender woman should not accept being kept a secret

Because of stigmas than can abound around transgender woman, a straight guy for instance might act hush-hush about letting his friends and family know he is dating a transgender woman. As a transgender woman, you will want to be around someone who is open about being in a relationship with you.

5. She doesn’t want to hear compliments about her looks as transgender

She doesn’t want to hear you say stuff like “you don’t look trans,” or “I know someone else who is transgender and you are so much more female looking!” That makes her feel as if they tried out cosmetic surgery to trick people when all they want to be is the woman they always felt they were. They want to be appreciated for their journey of courage.

6. Transgender women feel rejected too

Every human being fears rejection; it is very real and can be a huge fear. Lots of people pretend they don’t care but they do! They just want to be accepted for who they are. But to transition to playing the role of a woman can be a tough journey for the transgender woman [3].

7. Be your genuine self and people will change the way they think about transgender people

Then you will soon realize how far you have come. Because you can’t blame the guys who have not received education about transgender people or who weren’t given the right resources to be accepting of transgender people. When dating, you will naturally be drawn to the guys’ n gals who are not ignorant about transgender people and who accept you for who you are and are interested in you as you are.

8. A transgender person needs to learn to love their body

For some, even after transitioning, it can take some time, if not years, to grow into your transgender label. After all, your body will have undergone different hormones and other changes, and it might not look the way you fully want it. But if you were super-positive about changing to the person you believe you were meant to be, then you will see your body as beautiful, you will love it, and want to build on it to be the person you have striven so long and hard to be.

9. Your date shouldn’t define you as being transgender

Being trans means you are entitled to have a fluidity about the way your body looks, as well as how people perceive it. There are going to be hundreds of trans-men who have vaginas and hundreds of trans-women who have cocks and balls, and they might want to keep it like that or not.

10. It is best to discuss sex before you do it

That’s why a transgender woman needs to let her date know about her sexual preferences before they do sex. Because some men won’t understand yet or figure out that the woman he is taking on a date still has her cock and balls [4]. That needs to be discussed sensitively and carefully and accepted for what it is, to avoid rejection and ructions as well! Talk it out first!


When dating, a transgender woman will come across different kinds of dating partners. She will meet men or women who will accept her or won’t accept who she is. Some will semi-accept her by respecting her. They might even tell her they are attracted to her but can’t understand or fully accept the ‘oddness’ of dating a trans-woman. Then you will get the men or women who have a fetish or a kink about dating a trans-woman. We have given you, the transgender woman, some great tips that will help you as you date whomever you please, but which will help you and your partner to make your relationships even more special than you would like them to be! Good luck!


[1] https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbtq/transgender
[2] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8035091/
[3] https://friktionmagasin.dk/being-trans-is-to-be-rejected-736850b9abe9
[4] https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/21526-gender-affirmation-confirmation-or-sex-reassignment-surgery#:~:text=Surgery%20is%20just%20one%20option,body%20hair%20or%20vocal%20tone.